The Ones Who Gave Up
by MarlyCook
Summary: I always argued that it was enough, that love could survive any obstacles. And now, I just don't know if I believe that, anymore. Literati. Ten years post finale.
1. See You Again

_A/N: I was inspired by Knowhere to start writing again. I had a little idea and ran with it. Lately, I've only wanted to write Hart of Dixie stories, but Literati always has my heart first and foremost. One day, I promise, I will finish all of my stories. I need inspiration to hit. I fully promise to finish this story._

**This is just set ten years after the finale, with my own depiction of what could happen. Everything happened the way it did in the series and I just wrote what happened ten years down the line. **

**Disclaimer: I own Bo Diddley and Will.**

_**Chapter Rating: PG-13/R (for language)**_

* * *

It only took him an hour and a half to get to Stars Hollow, usually. It was a trip he made almost every other weekend. It took him almost two years after his divorce to bring himself around that town again, but he eventually made it a habit. He parked in the dead grass, next to the SUVs with baseball and honor-roll decals plastered on the back glass. Shielding his eyes from the sun, he walked to the middle-aged blondes taking up entrance fees with their matching visors and "Mom" jerseys. After handing them a crumpled five dollar bill from his pocket, he looked around for his family.

"Jess!" He heard from the left side of the stands and spotted his uncle's wife waving him down with a big grin.

He made his way up to her and smiled, giving her a hug before reaching down and scratching Bo Diddley's ears. "Did I miss anything?" He asked, turning to look out onto the field of ten year old boys in uniforms that looked almost too big for their small frames.

"Nope, this is the top of the first inning and Will hasn't batted yet," she said, smiling as she looked over at first base where Luke was yelling out encouragement to one of his players up to bat.

"Look at you, Lorelai, learning baseball lingo," Jess grinned, taking a seat next to her Cocker Spaniel mix that Luke got for her two Christmases ago after Paul Anka passed away.

Lorelai laughed and took a sit on the other side of Bo Diddley, resting her hand on his back. "I know, it is sickening," she said, shaking her head. "I almost wish Will was a nerd so I could have a closer bond than Luke does."

"Ah," Jess said, shaking his head. "That wouldn't be fair. Luke has never had an athlete in his family. I played one game of T-Ball and quit because it was too hot." He took in Lorelai's appearance and couldn't help but chuckle at her cliché jersey with "Will's Mom" plastered on the back of it. That was definitely not the Lorelai he met when he was a troubled teenager fresh to Stars Hollow.

"You're right, I'm glad he finally got his baseball player," Lorelai said, smiling over in the dugout as her son leaned up against the fence with his bat in hand. "So are you in for pizza with a bunch of hyper little boys after the game?"

"I'm down," Jess smiled, glancing over at Lorelai. "You guys have me for the whole weekend. I have to go to Doula's recital tomorrow night, but other than that, I'm up for anything."

"Oh good, the town is having one of our crazy festivals this weekend and your uncle is so excited," she said, laughing as the words came out of her mouth. Jess smirked and looked out at the field and over to Luke, he knew better than that. Even having kids hadn't softened him up that much. Luke called him, bitching, every couple of weeks, because of something Taylor Doosey had cooked up.

Will walked up to the plate and Lorelai stood up, clapping and cheering like an embarrassing sports mom should. Jess stood up and squinted to see his little cousin swing and miss on the first pitch only to knock the second pitch to center field. As he rounded the bases, he stopped on second and grinned over at his dad, throwing him a thumbs-up as he leaned towards third, ready to run as soon as the next hitter made contact with the bat.

As soon as Jess finished cheering, he sat back down and caught glimpse of a familiar brunette making her way across the other side of the field and towards them. He glanced over at Lorelai, who still had her eyes on her son. He cleared his throat and nudged her before nodding in the other woman's direction. "Will has another fan joining us," he said, trying to keep his voice calm and collected.

Lorelai glanced at Jess before looking up to see her daughter walking towards them. She grinned and bounded down the steps, running over to envelop her in a tight hug. "Fruit of my loins! I had no idea you were coming!" She shrieked, tears forming in her eyes.

"I know," she said, smiling as she breathed in her mother's familiar scent. "I wanted to surprise you all. I got assigned to a project in New Haven. One I have been dying to get and it took me eight months to secure it."

Lorelai leaned back from the hug and just smiled at her, trying to keep from crying. It had been at least a year since she had seen her first born. "I am so happy to see your face, Rory" she said, rubbing her arms. "But, I must warn you, Jess is here for the weekend."

She waved her hand and shook her head with a smile. "I expected he would be," Rory replied, smiling back at her mom. "I prepared myself. It is very cordial between us now, I promise."

"Okay," Lorelai said, pulling her in for another hug. "Good because I can't tell him to leave, and as much as I love him, you know I would for you."

With a laugh, that was extremely forced, Rory shook her head. "No way," she said, "there is absolutely no need for that. I really just came to see my little brother play ball, you know I very rarely attend sporting events, but I can't miss out on seeing a Gilmore as an athlete."

"He definitely gets it from the Danes side," Lorelai replied, wrapping an arm around Rory's shoulders as she led her back to the stands. "I even tried playing catch with them and cried when Luke's pitch hit my glove too hard. I still swear he broke it, my pinky hasn't been cooperating since."

"You poor thing," Rory cooed, examining the pinky that Lorelai threw out there with her bottom lip poking out. As they got closer to the stands, Rory prepared herself to speak to Jess. As she climbed up after her mom, she smiled, politely, at the man in front of her.

"Hi Rory," Jess said, nodding his head to her with the same smile. "How are you?"

"I'm wonderful," she replied, emphasizing the last word with her reporter smile that was eloquently mastered in the past few years. "How are you? I heard you started teaching a few Creative Writing courses at Boston U."

"I did. It's great. Very different than what I expected, but great. And you spent the last six months in Costa Rica, right? That's what Luke said, at least. I bet that was amazing."

"It was. I got a good tan and stayed with some really interesting people. It was definitely an adventure."

"That's good," he said, looking back up at the field. He didn't really know what else to say to her, so he left it at that. Lorelai watched the awkward exchange with a pained expression. She smiled when it was over and placed herself between the two, watching as Will ran to third base and rounded the corner all the way to home plate.

* * *

Jess sat on the front porch with a beer in his hand, rocking in one of the two chairs that Luke built as a gift for he and Lorelai's wedding anniversary. April was rocking next to him; her head leaned back as she looked up at the sky.

"So, Rory's back," she said, glancing over at her cousin and interrupting the silence that had fallen between them for a solid ten minutes.

"Yeah," he replied, taking a long swig of his Dos Equis. "Not for long, though. She's just here for some assignment."

"You alright?" April asked him, glancing over at him for just a moment to read his expression. She was a little surprised at the smug smile that plastered his face accompanied by a chuckle that sounded way too bitter to be sincere.

"I'm absolutely fine," Jess replied, shaking his head after another sip. "Why does no one expect me to be? We are cordial, we decided to be cordial a year ago and no one believes that I can hold up my end of that."

"Yes I do," April defended herself, rolling her eyes at his statement. "I just wanted to check on you. I just care."

"I know you do."

"Speak of the devil," April mumbled as Rory stepped out onto the porch, smiling at both of them. "Hey Ror," she said, smiling as she stood up to hug her. "You need to come around more often. I have missed you way too much."

Rory hugged her step-sister and smiled, leaning back to take a look at her. "I know, I have missed you too. You look so grown, I hate it," she replied, laughing. "It reminds me that I'm in my thirties."

"And still beautiful," April commented, before glancing back to Jess. "I'm going to head inside and see if it is my turn to play Will in Battleship."

"Good luck," Jess said with a chuckle, watching her walk inside before looking up at Rory. "Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the rocker beside him.

Rory slid into the rocker and leaned back, kicking off her heels and looking out at the front yard she grew up in. She stayed silent, but it was far from comfortable, at least for her anyway. She rocked her chair, pushing off the ground with her toes.

He was bitter. He may be attempting to be cordial with her, but he was bitter and she knew it. He didn't miss a beat when she opened her mouth to start small talk. He interrupted instead and starting with a more controversial topic. "I hear you got back in touch with Logan. Good for you."

She felt like she had been slapped in the face. His tone was anything, but nice, and he looked at her to wait for a reply. He knew the answer to that, but he wanted her to say it. She stayed quiet for a moment and took a deep breath, glancing over at him. "Yeah, we reconnected. I don't see him much. We Skype sometimes and meet up very sporadically. It's very casual."

"You don't have to explain yourself," Jess said, holding up his hands in defense. "Certainly not my problem anymore."

"It's not a problem at all," Rory bit back, and then closed her eyes, calming herself down. She refused to fight with him. She was done with that and they both agreed to be friendly when they were home. He just knew exactly what to say to push her buttons.

"Well, I'm glad you're in a good place," he stated.

His sincerity was questionable, but Rory left it at that, looking down at her feet. "Was it that necessary to make the conversation vicious?"

"What the hell did you think you would accomplish by coming out here?" Jess asked her, confused at her actions. "We aren't friends, Rory. Last Christmas was a mistake and we both know it. We aren't going to be chums now. I'll say hi and you'll say hi, we will eat dinner at the same table, we will go to family events, but that is where it ends. No meaningful conversations, no chit-chat about the weather."

"Screw you, Jess, why don't you be an adult and have a mature conversation with me?"

"Are you fucking kidding me, Rory? About what?" Jess snapped, looking over at her. "What is there to talk about? We have rehashed everything more times than I can count and I'm not doing it again. I don't want a _conversation_ with you. I just want to keep our distance."

"We can't do that, Jess. We have the same family," Rory said, looking back at him before shaking her head. "Keeping our distance would be unsuccessful, so why not try?"

"Why do you _want_ to try, Rory?" Jess pressed, standing up to leave after he said his peace. "Most people in our position never attempt to be friends, because they all know it is a stupid idea. The point of a divorce is not to go back to how everything was before we got married. The point is to completely sever ties. I know it is difficult in our circumstances, but let's stick to the generic greetings and don't go further than that." Without waiting for her response, he turned and walked down the porch steps.

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_Take the time to review, I love to hear your words!_


	2. Our Own Enemy

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I love this story so much and I'm just as surprised as everyone when I see how the characters interact with one another. **

**Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: I own Will, Bo Diddley, Ginger and Jackie.**

* * *

He was always an early riser, but he did not used to be. It took him until his mid-twenties to get into the routine of waking up before seven o'clock. He loved staying above the diner, because it reminded him of high school, when it was just him and Luke trying to survive each other. He grinned, thinking about the hell he put his uncle through back then.

Checking his watch, Jess put on his sneakers and walked downstairs and into the breakfast rush of the diner. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a bagel, putting into his mouth and waving at Caesar who was sweating over the skillet as he made another batch of bacon. He gobbled down the bagel before grabbing a couple of plates and taking them out to the customers. He didn't have to ask to know that Luke needed help when he was home.

When Jess walked back to the counter to grab the coffee pot, he ruffled Will's hair, who was eating waffles at the counter. "Morning, little man, where is your dad?"

Will pointed to the supply closet, his mouth full as syrup dribbled down his chin. "In there," he muffled through the food, his manners as bad as Jess's used to be.

"For God's sake, kid, chew your food before you speak," Jess teased, smirking before glancing over to see Luke emerge from the closet, a box full of jars of pickles in his arms. He set them down on the counter and patted Jess on the arm.

"Morning," he said, pushing the box over to him. "You're younger and have a good back; can you carry this into the kitchen?"

"Old man," Jess teased with a laugh, picking up the box with a grunt and carrying it back to Caesar. When he returned, he poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter. "What do you say you let Caesar and Ginger run the place and you and I take Will fishing?"

"I say that sounds like a good idea," Luke said, glancing over at his son with a big smile. Will swallowed without fully chewing and you could see the lump of food slide down his throat with a gulp, he grinned, excitedly and nodded with enthusiasm.

"Yes! I just got a new pole, Jess, I can't wait for you to see it!" Will said, scraping some syrup off his empty plate with his fingers and sloppily licking it off the tips. He jumped down from the stool and ran upstairs where Luke usually kept his fishing and camping equipment.

"Hey Ginger," Luke said to the younger brunette who took Lane's place when Lane and Zack took off to tour with the boys. "Mind watching the place for me today?"

"Not at all, boss," she said, smiling over at him. "We can handle it today."

* * *

Rory sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, watching her mother concentrate on the pink coat she was painting on Rory's toenails. They had sat in silence for a little while, enjoying each other's company before Lorelai looked up and sighed.

"What?" Rory asked her, raising an eyebrow at the expression on Lorelai's face. She knew what was coming and she didn't know if she wanted to hear it.

"April heard you guys last night," she said, simply, watching her daughter's face before glancing back down at her feet, starting on the pinky toe.

"Of course she did," Rory groaned, rolling her eyes at her prying little step-sister.

Lorelai glanced up at her with a shrug, "don't get mad at her. I told her to."

"I have no doubt."

"She said he sounded really angry," Lorelai said before leaning down and lightly blowing her toes. "What happened to being friends?"

"According to him, we were never going to be friends. We were just going to be polite."

"Well, what did you expect, Ror? It's not like a high school break up anymore. It's serious and involved lawyers and separation of property, it was a big deal. And then, you hook back up with your college boyfriend?"

"Mom, that's not even fair," Rory snapped, pulling her foot away like a child. "It has been three years since Jess and I divorced. You are all acting like it was so easy for me. I didn't want it, I didn't expect it, it just happened."

Lorelai stayed silent, finishing up the second coat of paint. She always thought that Jess put way more effort into trying to fix things than Rory did. But, Rory was her daughter and she would always take her side. "I know," she said, quietly. "Well, what is going on with you and Logan?"

"Like I said before," Rory started, not wanting to get into it like this, when both of them were aggravated with each other, "it's just casual. I wouldn't even call it dating. I don't want a real relationship."

"Isn't that what you should be aiming for? You aren't getting any younger and I had my hopes set on grandchildren."

"I just don't know if I believe in marriage working out anymore. As soon as Jess and I started dating again, I knew he was the great love of my life. But not even that was enough to make it work," she said, unable to look her mother in the eyes. "So just screw it. I can focus on my career, which I think I was meant to do."

"There is room for both," Lorelai added, hopefully, "it just takes more work than you put into it."

"No, mom," Rory said, shaking her head as she picked her feet up from off of the towel that was spread over the couch. "I don't think marriage can survive on purely love for each other. Marriage isn't like that anymore. It's about compromise, sacrifice, money, and convenience."

"That's not true."

"I experienced it. Yes, that is true," Rory said, nodding her head with an emotionless smile. "With Logan, it is easy, because it isn't commitment. We both get what we want out of it."

Lorelai shrugged, smiling sadly at the woman in front of her, who looked like her seventeen year old, heartbroken self, when Jess ran off to California. "That doesn't sound like enough."

"It's enough for me."

* * *

It was a little past two when Will fell asleep on a blanket near the bank of the pond. Jess sat in the lawn chair, holding his pole and waiting for a tug on his line. Luke sat beside him, an ice chest in between them filled with beer, Capri Suns, and sandwich meat.

"You weren't very welcoming to Rory yesterday," Luke noted, out loud, keeping his eyes on the pond in front of him.

"You're observant," Jess quipped, not turning to look at his uncle, either. "I was wondering when this discussion would start."

"Don't be a smart ass."

"I'm sorry, Luke," Jess scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Should I have brought her a Boston U t-shirt as well?" He asked, nodding in Will's at the t-shirt he sported with Jess's place of work printed in white block letters.

"Jess," Luke warned, noticing the all too familiar edge and exchange. It was almost like he was a scorned teenager again.

With a sigh, he backed down, and shook his head. He glanced over at the man in flannel and shrugged. "You're right, I'm sorry. I just don't know what you all expected me to do. She just pretends like nothing happened and it makes me sick to my stomach."

"You and Rory are in a difficult situation that not many divorced couples go through," Luke stated, reeling in his line to change out the bait. "You share family and you have to spend holidays together. It's almost like having a kid."

"Thank God we don't," Jess cut in, shaking his head. "That would have been a disaster."

"That is exactly why I told you to wait before even trying to have kids together."

"Because you knew our marriage would end? Gee, thanks, Uncle Luke."

"No," Luke replied, rolling his eyes at that ridiculous statement. He was one of the few who actually thought they stood a chance surviving in their marriage. "Because, I wanted you both to establish a good foundation before bringing in any children."

Jess nodded, not wanting to go further into it. Thinking about their situation made him hurt, and he thought about it way too often anyway. "I really hate that she's back with Logan," he said, quietly, honestly. He was so vulnerable it almost made Luke ache for him.

"You gave her that right," Luke said, trying to defend the terrible person Jess was making her out to be. "You signed your name on that dotted line just like she did."

"Yeah, I got that," he snapped, not wanting to hear anymore. "But it wasn't because I didn't love her, I still have that right. I can still be upset. Our divorce had nothing to do with falling out of love with each other. I always argued, to everyone, that it was enough. That being in love could survive all of the obstacles that we faced during our three year marriage. I just don't think I believe that anymore."

"I think you cracked under pressure," Luke said, throwing his line back out into the pond and glancing over to make sure Will was still fast asleep.

Jess snorted and rolled his eyes, "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"You knew everyone thought you two would fail so you proved them all right, because you were tired of trying to be perfect."

"It wasn't about that anymore. I wasn't scared that I wasn't good enough for her like I was in high school. I knew I was good enough," he stated, confident in himself. "It was just the expectations we both had were too much for either of us to handle. We did what we believed was best. And, I really get tired of trying to rationalize it. So, can we get back to fishing?"

Luke wanted to say more, but he was stopped when Jess made the clever move of calling Will's name to wake him up and stop the never-ending story of the Rory and Jess tragedy.

* * *

Jess tied and re-tied his tie in the mirror that was centered in the foyer of Luke and Lorelai's home. It had been so long since he wore a tie that it took a few tries before he mastered it. He was now on his fifth. He heard the sound of small feet padding around the corner of the kitchen and glanced up to see Rory in a deep purple knee-length cocktail dress that he didn't remember her owning.

"Here, let me help," she said, out of habit and stepped forward before he could protest. She quickly looped the fabric around to place it in the perfect knot and smoothed it down before stepping back from him.

He hated when she got that close. It still made his chest tighten when her hands touched him. He nodded to her before glancing back in the mirror to check out her handy work. "Thank you," he muttered, buttoning the cuffs of his gray button up. "I didn't know you were coming."

"I'm not," Rory replied, rubbing her arm as she answered him. She hated missing Doula's recital, but she was here on business. "I have a dinner in New Haven that I have to attend tonight. Since when did Miss Patty's recitals become so formal?"

Jess was relieved, but he wouldn't show that to her. He stayed calm, almost stoic, and glanced back up at her. "It is apparently her niece who has taken her studio over, and her niece is like this award winning dancer." He shrugged, feeling the uncomfortable small talk arising again. "Well, have a good night."

"You, too," Rory said, nodding at him before biting her bottom lip. Something that had always drove him crazy. "You look nice."

Jess closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to bite her head off again, to tell her that she can't just come in there acting like they were alright. Instead, he glanced down at his shoes, then briefly locked eyes with her. "You too," he said, quietly, almost inaudible, and then he walked past her and upstairs.

* * *

It was two hours before the recital when Jess dropped Doula off at the studio with the rest of the dancers. He got out and walked her inside, holding her hand so she wouldn't run into traffic. He was still over-protective, even if she was eleven years old and knew how to walk across a street. When he stepped inside, he was greeted by a loud room of dance moms and pre-teen girls running around giggling and spraying hair glitter everywhere. With wide eyes, he looked down at his little sister and then back up to the crowd. "I just walked into Hairspray."

She laughed and let go of his hand, turning to hug him before she ran off to her group of friends. "Be back at seven and sit on the right side of the stage," she said, looking up at him.

"Yes ma'am," Jess said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Smile pretty and don't fall." He laughed some as she hit his shoulder before she ran off and left him alone. He turned to leave and ran into a small blonde woman wearing warm-ups and her hair in a ballerina bun.

"Hi, you must to be Doula's brother," she said, holding her hand out to him. "I'm Jackie, her dance teacher."

Jess reached for her hand with a surprised smile. She looked nothing like Patty or anyone he would associate as Patty's family. He shook her petite hand and nodded at her guess. "I am, I'm Jess. Doula talks about you a lot, thanks for taking care of her."

"That's my job," Jackie replied with a grin. She heard a few kids call her name and turned to look back at them before turning her attention back to Jess. "Duty calls, but it was really nice to finally meet you. Hope I get to see you around."

"You too," Jess said, smirking as she gave him a nod and turned back to look at him one more time on her way to her students. He slid a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck, holding it there for a moment before turning and walking out of the double doors.

* * *

_Review please? Next chapter you will get more details of their divorce!_


	3. Last Christmas

**This chapter took forever to get up! I couldn't really decide how I wanted it to go. Thank you for being patient and giving me lovely reviews!**

**MUST READ: This chapter is set the year before on Christmas day. The whole chapter is a flashback.**

**Chapter Rating: R**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in this chapter!**

* * *

A knock on the door jolted him out of his fictional mind and clicked the save button on Microsoft Word before getting up and walking towards the door.

Jess was never scared of strangers, always welcoming without looking through that peep hole first. He swung the door open and raised an eyebrow when he saw his ex-wife, bundled up in a coat and scarf, her hair almost white from the snow that had clung onto the brown locks. He knew she was in Seattle, but he didn't intend to call her or expect her to be there on Christmas Eve.

"Hi," she breathed, and he could tell she was nervous from the way she rubbed her palms together. "Mom said you had a book signing here today, and I used my detective skills to find what hotel you were in. I didn't think you should spend Christmas alone."

"Huh," he replied, his monosyllabic sixteen-year-old personality making its much needed appearance. "That was … nice of you?" He ended in question, unsure of what to say to her now that she was there. "Isn't there some kind of confidentiality clause in hotels?"

Rory automatically knew what he meant and nodded her head with a small, unsure smile. "I'm technically still Rory Mariano on paper. It was easy to get to you."

"I'm surprised you didn't get a key."

She held one up as soon as he said it and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I did, but I decided not to use it, just in case you were … you know, entertaining."

"Because you know me, Mr. Casual Sex," Jess said, sarcastically, rolling his brown eyes with a chuckle.

"You used to be," Rory replied, referring to his younger years before they began their second try at a relationship, one that was more successful than the first, but failed miserably once again.

"I used to be a lot of things." _Your husband, for instance, _he thought, but decided not to say it.

It was true. She nodded at his statement and crossed her arms across her chest, looking down the hallway at a drunken couple making out against a hotel door while the man fumbled to unlock it behind the woman. "Come on, Jess, are you going to invite me in or make me go back into the freezing snow?"

He briefly contemplated it before sighing and opening the door wider to let her enter his room. As he walked over to his computer, he grabbed articles of clothing off of the floor and tossed them into his open suitcase against the wall. He shuffled the newspapers and books off of the unmade bed and sat them on the ground. He patted the bed for her to sit on and sat across from her, on the desk chair that hotels purposely made completely uncomfortable.

Jess watched as she stripped off her coat and unwrapped her scarf, laying them on the end of the bed before sitting down at the edge, facing Jess. Her button-up cardigan was unbuttoned at the top, making it hard for him to concentrate on anything else but the soft curve of her breasts peaking out from under the green cotton. He cleared his throat and leaned back, running a hand through his already messy hair.

"Why didn't you go to Stars Hollow for Christmas?" Jess asked, scratching the back of his neck. It was his own nervous habit.

"I couldn't. I'm almost done with this assignment and then I'm headed to Costa Rica," she said, looking out the window. Their careers were always a sore subject, so she didn't want to dwell on it or go into detail.

"Couldn't find anything more fun than spending the holiday with your ex-husband?" He blurted out, because someone had to say it.

"Jess, just, bear with me, okay?" Rory pleaded, biting the inside of her cheek as she looked away from him. "This is the first Christmas I've spent alone since we got married. Last year, I was able to stay with my grandparents. This one is just lonely, and you're here. That has to be some kind of sign, right?"

"I guess," he said, shrugging, looking back at her. "Or just a coincidence." Neither of them believed in coincidences, so she glared over at him before rolling her eyes.

"Don't give me that bullshit."

"Come on, Ror, this is weird. We both know it is."

"But it beats being alone, doesn't it?"

"I don't know if it does," Jess replied, honestly. "I don't know if this is healthy for us. We shouldn't go back to this routine."

"Can't we just pretend?" Rory finally asked, tears forming in her eyes as she stared back at the man she once vowed to be with forever. She was vulnerable and looked as fragile as she sounded. He didn't know how to respond; her tears always made him melt.

Jess leaned forward in the chair, ducking to catch her eyes as she nervously fiddled with her hands. "Pretend what?" He asked, softly, exhausted with their constant back and forth for months on end, but sympathetic to the pain she was showing.

"That we are okay," Rory replied, wiping the tears under eye. She signed the papers, just like he did, but she never knew if she made the right choice. "That we are us again spending Christmas together, like the first one we spent together."

"I don't know if I can do that," Jess said, honestly, running his hands down his face. He couldn't just open himself up to her like he used to. He couldn't tear down that wall just to build it back up again when she left.

He refused to look directly at her. The cold had slapped a bright pink onto her face, her eyes were bright, her hair was messy from the wind, and she breathed heavily, nervous about being around him. She looked exactly like she did when she would hit her climax and tighten her legs around his calves, her heels digging into his legs.

"Why not?" Rory whispered, closing her eyes, trying to blink back any tears that were clouding her eyes. "What harm would it do?"

"More harm to me than I could ever explain to you," Jess said, honestly, trying to be gentle as he watched her almost crumble in front of him. He wanted to reach out and hold her, but that would hurt him as well. He didn't understand where this came from, why she was being so needy all of the sudden.

Rory looked away from him and nodded, wiping under both of her eyes. She sat, silently, trying to gather her thoughts. He was her safe place, even when they had been apart for over a year. She looked up at him and bit her lip.

"Damn it, Rory," Jess groaned, closing his eyes and standing up, running a hand through his hair. "No. I can't do this every time you are lonely. It hurts too much to see you."

"I've never come to you before, Jess, I'm not some desperate and clingy ex-wife," Rory defended herself, standing up as well only to grab her coat again. "I just wanted to spend Christmas with someone that I cared about."

Jess turned to look at her, bewildered at her statement. There was never any simplicity between them. He laughed and shook his head, pressing the heels of his hands to his forehead with an exasperated groan. "We are not married anymore, Rory. You can't just say 'Oh, I care about you. Blah, blah, blah..' We ended. We are over. It is done and that means no more holidays together, because baby, it is just too damn painful." He finished his statement and stood in front of her, close enough to touch.

Rory caught her breath, looking back at him. She knew he was right, she was being selfish. She adverted her gaze to the ground and nodded. "You're right," she whispered, and turned to get her scarf off of the bed. "I should go."

"I didn't mean _that_," Jess said, sighing, wiping his right hand over his mouth in exhaustion. "I don't want to send you back out on the streets of Seattle at this time of night."

"If that is the only thing that is keeping you from kicking me out, then I need to go. I thought maybe you would enjoy the company. Maybe, just maybe, you would want to spend Christmas with me for old time's sake," Rory laughed a little at herself, and how stupid she realized she sounded. She looked back at him and shook her head. "I'm being so immature."

"Ror, you're not," Jess began again, only to be stopped by her hand that she held up in the air. He sighed and looked back at her. It was killing him to not let her stay, to not just take her right then and there, but he couldn't.

She smiled, sadly, at him and wrapped her scarf around her neck. She pulled her hair out of it and slid on her coat before stepping towards him and wrapping her arms around his body. She hugged him tightly and he slowly put an arm around her, trying to make the hug brief. "Merry Christmas, Jess,"

"Merry Christmas," Jess whispered, regretting every move they made after that. She recoiled her arms and stepped back, turning to walk out of the room. Jess stood, unable to move, and watched her leave. He shut the door behind her and leaned his forehead against the heavy wood.

Rory walked to the elevator and rode down to the first floor. She stopped to dig in her purse for her cellphone before pulling it out to call her mom. When she walked outside, she stood at the edge of the sidewalk, her hand held high to flag down a taxi, the other hand holding the phone to her ear. She glanced up at the window on the second floor, where she was just standing not even two minutes ago. She put her phone back in her purse and walked back inside.

Jess stayed with is head resting against the door, regretting letting her go out into the snow. He should have let her stay, they could have talked everything through. They could have fixed things. Or at least, he likes to pretend they could. He didn't dwell on it long, he turned back towards his bed and took a deep breath. It felt empty now that she wasn't in there anymore.

He heard the door open behind him and turned, only to see Rory drop the hotel key on he floor and walk up to him, placing a hand on his cheek and her lips on his. It didn't take him a minute before he cupped her face into his hands and deepened the kiss, almost bruising her pink lips.

It was a frenzy of tangled feet and shedding clothes, fumbling all of the way to the bed. Jess turned and sat her down on the edge, leaning over her as he pushed her back until she hit the mattress. His mouth trailed down her neck and to her shoulder, his teeth grazing her skin. She gripped the back of his neck and bent her legs, using her feet to push off and scoot up on the bed. He hovered over her body, tasting the skin that he knew all too well.

He didn't take it slow; he didn't savor it like he should have. She helped him push away the boundary of clothing and arched her back when he didn't hesitate to enter her. Her exposed breasts pressed into his chest and he placed his mouth over hers to muffle any noises she was desperately trying to choke down. This was what he had been longing for, this was what he craved.

The worst part about it was neither of them stopping to think. What happened when Christmas morning came and neither of them had answers for what it meant to them? They both knew this could not end well, but wrapped up in the moment, it was the least of their cares.

She would thrust up to meet him and he would grip the pillow beside her head, fighting for control. She kept her eyes screwed shut, unable to keep them open after she desperately tried a few times. His mouth left a wet trail down her neck and to her freckled shoulder where he bit down gently, nipping the sensitive skin. She tried to keep up, but he was definitely in control and she gave up trying to match him thrust for thrust. She was losing herself in his scent, in his movements, and she eventually let go. It is said that a woman's brain stops in the midst of an orgasm and once Rory came to her senses, she would fully agree with that. Her mind was hazy, but she felt him drive into her a few more times before collapsing on top of her with labored breathing.

It took a moment for him to regain his strength, and he picked himself up and threw himself back against the mattress.

"Shit," he groaned, running a hand over his face.

"That's flattering," Rory mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"Goddamn it, we shouldn't have done that," he replied, sitting up and glancing back at his ex-wife. Her hair clung to her flushed and damp cheeks. She was on top of the covers, neither of them bothered to get under them. Her naked body was exposed to him and he contemplated going again.

Rory stayed quiet, trying to regain her composure as Jess got up off the bed and threw his boxers back on. She knew just like he did that it was most likely a mistake. She bit her lip as she watched him and eventually got up as well, sliding on her clothes. She leaned up against the headboard and waited for him to turn around and say something to her. Anything.

"You can stay here tonight," Jess said, breathing heavily as he stared out the hotel window. He didn't face her, not just yet. "Maybe we can talk in the morning... about everything."

"Jess…" Rory started, only to be cut off by his voice once more.

"No, Ror, not tonight. Can we just sleep tonight? We can talk tomorrow," he said, again, turning to look at her finally. "Let's just… go to bed."

It was the same thing he said to her the night they decided to separate. It was more pleading then, and tonight, tonight it was just sharp and demanding. He had had enough and it was understandable. Rory knew that.

The Jess she knew, the one that bent over backwards to cater to her every need, was now transformed into a bitter man who didn't really believe in love anymore. She couldn't blame him. It was her fault that they were over and she knew that. She hurt him and she was the one person that he never thought would do it again.

Without another word between them, they faced the opposite direction and fell asleep.

* * *

When Jess was a kid, Christmas was the only time his mother dedicated the whole day to him. It was his favorite holiday, despite the fact that he didn't get as cool of toys from Santa as the other kids. He never understood that, but that's what made him figure out the truth about St. Nick at an early age.

Christmas still held a special place in his heart, but this one, he didn't bother waking up at an early hour or bother with setting out gifts for his wife. He didn't have to do that anymore. He slowly opened his eyes as the sun found an inconvenient crack between the curtains and shone diagonally across his face.

He turned over and expected Rory to be next to him, but instead found an empty bed. Surprise, surprise. He rolled over on his back and clenched his jaw, angry at himself for giving into her. The vibrations of his phone interrupted his self-loathing and he answered it in a sleepy haze.

"Merry Christmas," he said, hoarsely, to his uncle through the phone.

"You lazy bum. It's eight on Christmas morning and you're still in bed?"

"And I didn't even leave out milk and cookies."

"Bah humbug," Luke teased, running a hand through his thinning hair. He sat on the kitchen stool and listened to his son and wife play with all of the gifts he received that morning. "How are you?"

"Oh you know, jolly and bright," he answered, lifting up and throwing the sheets off of him to get ready for his flight.

"Well, I was calling to ask how your book signing went," Luke began, trying his best not to ask if Jess ran into Rory while he was there. He knew that if Rory knew about his event, she would show up for support. She always did.

"Yes, Uncle Luke, I saw Rory," Jess replied, already knowing where he was getting at.

"Ah," the older man replied, "doesn't sound like it went too well. She didn't have Logan with her, did she?"

"Logan?" Jess asked him, suddenly feeling his stomach churn at the thought of her being back with her ex-boyfriend. Especially after the night they had not even 10 hours ago.

"Oh, she must not have mentioned that to you," he said, sighing deeply at his big mouth. "I'm sorry, Jess. That was stupid of me. Rory told Lorelai like a couple of days ago that she was seeing Logan again and I just assumed you knew. That was a dumb mistake on my part."

He sat there for a moment, looking down at the empty space beside him. _You have got to be fucking kidding me, _he thought to himself, trying not to get too angry while on the phone with Luke. "Nope. No, I believe she failed to mention that. Probably for the best, though. Guess she didn't want to ruin my holiday."

"Well, maybe this will give you the initiative to start dating again," Luke replied, trying to ease the situation a little, but he knew he was being no help.

"Maybe so," Jess mumbled, staring out the window. "I'll catch up with you later, Luke. I need to get ready to catch my flight. Tell Will and Lorelai I said Merry Christmas."

"Will do, kid. See you later."

After Jess hung up, he sat quietly for a few moments. He was trying to digest what just happened there. She came to his hotel room, she initiated sex, and then he discovers she was dating the man she dated before she married him? He stood up and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. After turning on the steaming water, he stared at himself in the fogging window. "You are a dumb-ass, Jess Mariano. Merry Fucking Christmas to me."

* * *

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